the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
