overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
