its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
