You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
