I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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