New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
