So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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