Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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