omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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