he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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