When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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