Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My dick has a subreddit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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