he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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