it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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