He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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