I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's blow job season.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
