so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
