why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.