he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.