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I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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