Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived