so explain again why im purple
no
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
