Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
