Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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