Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
