I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
