I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When are your genitals available?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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