I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
