I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
