It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
