My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
