chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
