That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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