Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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