You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
