dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
