Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Let's paint friendship bongs
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
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if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize