Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
