he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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