Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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