just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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