your thong is hanging out like whoa
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
