She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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