he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
