if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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