thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
