I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
