Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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