Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
