we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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