I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
