i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
