What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
