You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
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Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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