just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
