You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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