you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
