she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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