Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
