hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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