So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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