Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
