Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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